Alright, so, for an honest lack of nothing better to do (a boredom I can blame 100% on shit December weather), I have decided to review fruit drinks.

Brittni and I picked these up the other day at Wegman’s.  They were like $.75 a can, so I got one of each.  If you didn’t know, Goya is a company that sells latin American shit, like cans of chili and stuff.  No, I don’t think any of these are going to taste good, but I figured I’d give them a whirl.

1.  Pear and Passion Fruit – 8/10
It honestly just tastes like I bit into a pear.  Either that, or I just shotgunned all the syrup at the bottom of one of those cans of fruit medley.  I have this creeping suspicion that the ‘Pear’ drink might taste a little similar.

2.  Pear – 5/10
No surprises here.  Tastes just like #1, but a whole fucking lot sweeter.  Like the masterminds up at Goya drank Pear and then Pear and Passion Fruit, and were like shit, these are like the exact same drink.  So they made one really disgusting to distinguish the two from each other.

3.  Pineapple and Passion Fruit – 5/10
Equally as gross as #2, but uniquely gross.  No half-assed reason like being pumped full of sugar, this is two flavors combined that just totally reject one another.  I suspect they just had a messed up shipment and had a bunch of pineapples and passion fruits laying around, so they were like, fuck it, some retard American will buy it.

Ugh, these are starting to give me a headache.  So much sugar.  Alright, back to business.

4.  Pineapple and Guava – 1.5/10
It tastes like fireworks are going off in my mouth right now, and what I mean by that is that this drink tastes like burnt sulfur.  I would prefer probably almost anything over another sip of this drink.  For example:
a. Coffee grounds
b. Clamato Juice
c. A handful of sand
d. Raw flesh
e. A bleach-tini with an olive
Among other things.

5. Guanabana – 6/10
What I was thinking before I tried this drink was, ‘watch the last drink with the funny name with the picture of a fruit that looks like a Nerf football be absolutely delicious’.  Well, I guess I don’t have to worry about that, because it was horrible.

That concludes my drink review.  Don’t drink Goya, holy hell.  That is some rotten shit.