November 9, 2008

Okay, so, this morning was a little silly.  I go to Sunday school every now and again for my mom but never actually go to mass, so when I actually had to go this morning I was in for a fuckin’ treat.

First of all, it was communion, so my mom and I had to take turns washing each other’s feet because feet ‘warshing’ (-my pastor) has some sort of weird sentimental value I can’t figure out.  After that we had to stand around and sing bible camp songs and eat bread and take grape juice shots.  There was this one guy who had kidney stones and they wanted to ‘cure’ him, so everybody stood in a circle around him and put their hand on him, and the people who stayed in their places just stood up and closed their eyes and reached out at him.  For a second I felt like I was in a room of those nutty people who think they have super psychic powers and they were all trying to synthesize energy beams to shoot at him.  I swear I could hear them saying, “pew pew pew” under their breaths.  After they were done, he went back up to the podium and I imagined him saying, “Thanks!  I feel much better!”.  CHURCH

It didn’t help that there was a kid in the back with tourettes who kept detesting everything the pastor said.  “And now we will pray for the inflicted”  “NO”  “Please turn to Genesis 11:12”  “NO, STOP IT, NO”.




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