And I’m Not Even Finished

September 3, 2008

We have these stupid P.R.I.D.E. classes now (which I would imagine probably stands for Poop Retard Idiot Douchebag Eternal) to boost our school spirit because everybody who attends Quakertown is probably too embarrassed to admit their hometown it to outside acquaintances, and our faculty for some unthinkable reason believes that this attitude could be reversed.

Our last pep rally was a complete failure.  Nobody went, and the people that did might as well have been in a comatose state.  At one point the guy with the microphone even said something along the lines of “sorry this is sucking so bad”.  Know what, here.  I will review the things they could have done differently:

1. Had the pep rally for something the students care about.  Our football team lost and lost and lost some more all year long, GO PANTHERS! *violently rubs soap in eyes*

2. NOT DO THE SOULJA BOY DANCE?  There was absolutely not one person in the audience who thought it was cool or funny to watch their own peers willingly berate themselves on such a grand level in front of so many people.  I even shut my camera off, I was like, shit.  I’ve seen it all.

3. End of the day – a bad time.  People would rather leave early than sit around watching their geeky classmates jumping around to Soulja Boy in blue and white body paint.  Not only that, it was June (I think) and it gets really fucking hot about 2-3pm, the time class lets out.  I guess it would help to have air conditioning, TOO BAD QUAKERTOWN DOESN’T.  But we have cool new blue and white gym floors, so I guess that makes up for it.  Or something.  Fucking idiots.

4. Have well-liked people running the show.  Nobody cares if they see that quiet weird dressing chick from calculus running around in a panther suit, maybe her mother.  If you get people who are really widely liked down on the floor, everyone will be all MAGAAHHH LOOK ITS JIMMY LOOK WHAT JIMMYS DOING and that may sound inane and silly but, you know, that’s what pep rallies are all about.  I understand wanting to incorporate kids from all different high school cliques but there are clearly a good lot that nobody gives a shit about.  Such are the woes of high school.

And that concludes my critique of last Spring’s pep rally.


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