You’re Standing on my Neck

July 12, 2008

So I suppose my anxiety attacks have been getting worse. Especially whilst driving, which is just fantastic. You know why? No, you don’t know why. And you’re never gonna find out ’cause I don’t even know.

I was driving to Borders yesterday and I started getting that familiar urgent feeling characteristic of my anxiety attacks. I was like fuuuck, really? I’m driving to a fucking book store. Quit being such a goober. I tried reasoning that all cars are, are giant high-speed go-carts. That didn’t help at all.

I realized though, that if I throw something loud on – be it grind or whatever – and drum maniacally and crank the AC all the way up, I get sort of distracted and can just make it to where I’m getting to.

That being said, Carol doesn’t know shit.

Anyway, this weekend I’ve been hanging around my dad’s house, seeing as how I’m not allowed in my house until Sunday.  Actually, I’m at my house right now, but I’m not supposed to be.  It really doesn’t matter.  I’ve been so mind-numbingly bored I’m about ready to throw myself through a fifth story window.  I’m tired, you know.  I don’t feel like going on vaycay with the family, I don’t feel like hanging out with new people, I hardly feel like hanging out at all because I fucking hate entertaining.  And money spending.  All of my friends I actually like hanging out with are out of state.  Mostly I’m just bored ’cause I’m ready to move on to the next thing.  I really just can’t wait to get my own place.

It’s funny though, most people say that as if things are going to change.  Not that they’re wrong, but it’s a silly thing to assume.  I really want to go check Boston out.  I know that won’t be at least for another two years though, because I still have to finish my senior year at QCHS and then a year at Bucks before I could transfer.  If you’re a Paulo Coelho fan, you’ll know why this is tragic.

I’ve got more fridge raiding to do, then I’m off to track people down.

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