All My Friends Were Vampires, Didn’t Know They Were Vampires – Turns Out I Was a Vampire Myself

June 7, 2008

I want to dedicate this post to Ms. Caracausa, and thank her for assigning us not one, not two, but FIVE projects due on Monday that will (more or less) determine whether or not we pass the class!  The woman is a saint, someone get her a martini.

Strangest thing happened today.  I was sitting in health class, and I suddenly got very panicky.  It wasn’t really even provoked by anything.  My brain got really hot feeling, and I felt like I was going to faint.  I thought I was going to go into a coma.  I did my best to stand up and hobble over towards the door and tell Dr. Stevens I was going to the nurse.  I stumbled out into the hallway and walked around a bit to calm down, got a few drinks of water, checked out my eyes and stuff.  

Before I knew it, it was 2:25 and time to leave.  I got in my car and told myself that if I could just make it home, I could relax.  Well, the funny thing about that, is that I didn’t make it home.  At least not in my car.  Waiting at the stop light by the Wawa, I started getting panicky again.  I thought horrible things were going to happen; I thought that if I kept driving, I would likely die.  I pulled into the Remnants For Less parking lot before the light had a chance to turn green and sat on the curb with my head in my hands, trying to get a grip.  I had no clue what was going on or what the problem was.  I still felt like I was going to pass out if I made any sudden movements.

I texted my mom and told her to come get me because I knew she was on her way home from work and would be driving right by where I had pulled over.  She took me home after first getting the kids from school.  I put on some Samiam and tried to sleep.  I didn’t, but I did feel loads better.

Anyway.  My mom was going to the For Your Health store in town, and I came ’cause I’d always been interested in checking that place out.  The guy who owned the place turned out to be a holistic doctor or something like that, and he took it upon himself to give me a run-down of my own health.  He looked at my eyes.  

“You have a bad back,” he told me, “You’re also PA Dutch and love chocolate.”  I was impressed.  Next he asked to see my fingernails.

“You’re abusing your adrenal glands.”  Truth.  “You’ve got type B blood, I can tell by your ears.”  This guy was good.

We decided to ask about my recent episodes, and he asked me about my diet.  I told him I’d eaten some McNuggets and two cans of Monster (It was really a BFC, but you get it) that day, and that was it.  He told me that I was suffering from magnesium depletion (it wasn’t the Monster, I have that many on the daily with zero problem) and a huge 180 on my diet.  

So this is what’s going on.  Since you all know I’m a very black or white, all or nothing person (more often ‘black’ and ‘nothing’), I’m considering this 180 diet turnaround.  Hugely.  I’m going to go on a strictly vegan diet for a week and see what happens.  I’m also not going to be drinking, doing any drugs, or using caffeine.  I’m very interested in seeing where this goes and what changes happen.  

Maybe I’ll keep a log.  I probably won’t last a whole week.  I mean, that MySpace fast panned out so well.


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