I’m Not Against Plastic Surgery

April 24, 2008

Look what it did for that Simpson sluh. She’s adorable! She looks like she’s gonna come up behind you in the kitchen, tug on your skirt tail and ask politely for more plum pudding. I want to grab her cheeks and go WHO’S A GOOD BEBEEEE then knock back a few bottles of brandy and back-hand her across the face. She’ll crumple to the floor in betrayed anguish and yell MOMMY WHY and I’ll say DON’T YOU TALK TO ME YOU LITTLE SLUT and grab my cars keys and storm out the front door, slamming the screen door so hard it bounces back open and crashes against the wall. I will wake up the next morning in a ditch in the next town over with a homeless man named Earl wearing nothing but feetie pajamas

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