Amish Food

April 24, 2008

So, I’m feeling really fucking bad for Amish people right now.

I got this Amish cookbook at the library (looked interesting, really should have passed it up) and decided to take it home and give a few of the recipes a whirl.  As I flipped through the pages of this REVILED PIECE OF LITERATURE it occurred to me that Amish cooking is really, really fucking boring.  Think soup, bread and cornmeal, and you’re halfway there.

Anyway, I found ‘fried salmon patties’ and thought that that sounded pretty noms.  I began to look through all the cabinets in the kitchen and realized that we had absolutely nothing to cook with.  I improvised.


Not MY patties, but patties nonetheless.  Just trying to illustrate this all for you.

Recipe called for 2 cups of cracker crumbs, which I substituted with 2 cups of rye cracker crumbs.  Mistake number one.

Recipe also (ODDLY ENOUGH!!) called for a cup of salmon.  I used… uh, tuna.

As gross as this is probably beginning to sound, it really wouldn’t have been that bad if only I hadn’t used rye crumbs.  They really destroyed ma patties.  I mean, these things were really fucking gross.  All the mayonnaise in the world couldn’t turn this around.

So… uh, I guess I shouldn’t blame the Amish.  I’m sure they have a really great recipe going there.

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